The Kingston House: Short #1 4-year Old Logic

Note: I am very much a noob at this sort of thing. Its O.K. to be harsh on it. Just don't be rude.

It's about my Fan-made character found in this thread Here.

Do I comment on here, or on the other thread? By the way, you should let Zack see this. I think he'll appreciate it

Leo M. R. wrote:

Do I comment on here, or on the other thread? By the way, you should let Zack see this. I think he'll appreciate it

I think I post my fics here for now on, I don't mind where you comment.

If anyone wants to use these characters for their fic, I really don't mind, his house is a spectral hospital, plenty of room for visitors. If you got any story ideas, I am open to suggestion.

It was quite sweet. I really like how Jo talks so baby-ish, which is appropriate considering her age. Randy is a potential comedy goldmine ("dang, dos dames are tough" cracked me up!). Can't give comments on Ethan yet, though. Looking forward to more revelations for the mom.

No serious criticisms at the moment. Keep up the good work! Also, remember: you can't beat the logic of a four year-old who can create earthquakes at will!

Leo M. R. wrote:

It was quite sweet. I really like how Jo talks so baby-ish, which is appropriate considering her age. Randy is a potential comedy goldmine ("dang, dos dames are tough" cracked me up!). Can't give comments on Ethan yet, though. Looking forward to more revelations for the mom.

No serious criticisms at the moment. Keep up the good work! Also, remember: you can't beat the logic of a four year-old who can create earthquakes at will!

Glad you enjoyed it .
This was most certaintly a Jo focused story, I'll try to make the next one focused on Ethan.

I really liked it Eragon! My only comment is to easy up on the accents. It's good to have, but after a while deciphering words become a nuisance.

JGhero wrote:

I really liked it Eragon! My only comment is to easy up on the accents. It's good to have, but after a while deciphering words become a nuisance.

Thanks, it is always good to know what I can do better, as how can I improve if I don't know what I did wrong. I'll try to ease up on my accents so you don't need a Rosetta Stone for them.

And on to my next story!

The Kingston House: The Woman in the Photo (part 1)

I don't have many plans on how many parts for this story are going to come out, I'd say at least 2 more if ya like.

(Warning: While my first story was light-hearted and had little to know profanity, I think it is far to say I will not shy away from dark, some gore, or profanity. When characters get hurt, I will describe what happened and not pg it or make my characters invincible to avoid it. That being said, I will not do gruesome of horrific scenes. I make it a point to go over the top with the violence or dark themes as that is not how I view the world, I see it is necessary to have both and light shines brightest in the dark (cue audible groan) I also will not make it a profanity-fest that will make a sailor cry, but I will use it to express emotions if I think the character would use it and sometimes for humor.)

Eragon5055 wrote:

And on to my next story!

The Kingston House: The Woman in the Photo (part 1)

I don't have many plans on how many parts for this story are going to come out, I'd say at least 2 more if ya like.

(Warning: While my first story was light-hearted and had little to know profanity, I think it is far to say I will not shy away from dark, some gore, or profanity. When characters get hurt, I will describe what happened and not pg it or make my characters invincible to avoid it. That being said, I will not do gruesome of horrific scenes. I make it a point to go over the top with the violence or dark themes as that is not how I view the world, I see it is necessary to have both and light shines brightest in the dark (cue audible groan) I also will not make it a profanity-fest that will make a sailor cry, but I will use it to express emotions if I think the character would use it and sometimes for humor.)

This was pretty good! Here are my thoughts:

- Praise: Again, nice choice of words. Didn't expect Mary to be such a bad girl, though! Also, I like young Ethan's aloofness. 'Moment of weakness' pffft hahaha. The fact that he's Mister Perfect despite, as the description says, him having an average face is quite nice.
- Criticism: Not much, just some minor grammatical and typographical errors here and there. Also, I suggest giving Heather some character depth in future stories. Avoid characters the audience are designated to hate, I'd say.

Aside from that, one question: how is Randy - who is a ghost - able to make breakfast for Jo?

Leo M. R. wrote:

Eragon5055 wrote:

And on to my next story!

The Kingston House: The Woman in the Photo (part 1)

I don't have many plans on how many parts for this story are going to come out, I'd say at least 2 more if ya like.

(Warning: While my first story was light-hearted and had little to know profanity, I think it is far to say I will not shy away from dark, some gore, or profanity. When characters get hurt, I will describe what happened and not pg it or make my characters invincible to avoid it. That being said, I will not do gruesome of horrific scenes. I make it a point to go over the top with the violence or dark themes as that is not how I view the world, I see it is necessary to have both and light shines brightest in the dark (cue audible groan) I also will not make it a profanity-fest that will make a sailor cry, but I will use it to express emotions if I think the character would use it and sometimes for humor.)

This was pretty good! Here are my thoughts:

- Praise: Again, nice choice of words. Didn't expect Mary to be such a bad girl, though! Also, I like young Ethan's aloofness. 'Moment of weakness' pffft hahaha. The fact that he's Mister Perfect despite, as the description says, him having an average face is quite nice.
- Criticism: Not much, just some minor grammatical and typographical errors here and there. Also, I suggest giving Heather some character depth in future stories. Avoid characters the audience are designated to hate, I'd say.

Aside from that, one question: how is Randy - who is a ghost - able to make breakfast for Jo?

Thanks for the criticism, for the grammatical errors and typographical, I guess spell check doesn't catch everything. As for Randy ability to make breakfast, remember how lefty can move objects though he is a ghost? Randy already knows the trick to it, though it is a little difficult for him. He usually just heats up oatmeal or something.

Hey, I know that ethan does not work in a normal hospital, 'cause it got destroyed a little... but I have an idea for a colleague at the hospital. Or maybe it's just another of one of those spectral doctors, I dunno, is it common for someone who is going to have a degree in medics to be a spectral?

Her name (first try, please give better suggestions) is Trisha Pitoretti. She is a kind of pretty hematologist. Her personality is a bit strange... You see, she hates everybody. It doesn't matter who you are she hates you. And when she meets you for the first time, she is just looking for a reason to hate you. Because for some reason she thinks that hating a person without a reason is wrong. At least that's what she would say, anyway you can see that this woman has problems, big ones. (hypocritism everywhere!)

But this is just what her colleagues see, because at home... she is even more depressing.
She is an old cat lady, but with cat spirits and ghost cats. Those are the only things she can tolarate, that and children, it sounds strange but I'll get to that later. the feline friend she likes the most, is Domi. A cat spirit who can talk and has antlers. (cat jackalope!) Domi has followed Trisha her whole life, from the day her pet cat didn't come home. They talk about stuff like good friends do, becase it's her only good friend.
One of Trisha's hobbies is voodoo magic. (yep, a doc who likes to voodoo) She basicley curses people she hates in a special kind of way. People that don't agree with her, or are intolerant, or just evil... kinda unfair considiring she basicley hates everybody.
She has a soft side for children because they didn't do anything on purpose to annoy her, their parents thaught them to do so, and hey... every bad guy has a weakness.

I'd love to tell you more about Domi, but this character the main one.
Nobody knows she can see spirits, not even other spectrals.
I'd also like to introduce a minor character, a gay guy nurse.

YoungOldCatCreeper wrote:

Hey, I know that ethan does not work in a normal hospital, 'cause it got destroyed a little... but I have an idea for a colleague at the hospital. Or maybe it's just another of one of those spectral doctors, I dunno, is it common for someone who is going to have a degree in medics to be a spectral?

Yes, the hospital that Jo was born in is in rubble. That hospital is in his home town, which he left to pursue his career as in private practice of medicine so he could set up work at his house. He is currently interning at the hospital in the new town his house is located, several miles away from his old town and his families estate. (he wished it was farther.) As for the commonality of spectral doctors, in comic we have no real indication, but I think they be quite rare.

YoungOldCatCreeper wrote:

Her name (first try, please give better suggestions) is Trisha Pitoretti. She is a kind of pretty hematologist. Her personality is a bit strange... You see, she hates everybody. It doesn't matter who you are she hates you. And when she meets you for the first time, she is just looking for a reason to hate you. Because for some reason she thinks that hating a person without a reason is wrong. At least that's what she would say, anyway you can see that this woman has problems, big ones. (hypocritism everywhere!)

I like the name actually, though I would need a clearer picture. Not sure how I would use or include this type of character. I don't mind if you want to write a story about her meeting Ethan or Jo in some fashion though. Though I am curious why she isn't Pediatrician if she can only stand children.

YoungOldCatCreeper wrote:

One of Trisha's hobbies is voodoo magic. (yep, a doc who likes to voodoo) She basicley curses people she hates in a special kind of way. People that don't agree with her, or are intolerant, or just evil... kinda unfair considiring she basicley hates everybody.

I don't think magic is a part of the Paranatural universe, so her voodoo would have no effect unless that is what you were going for.

Quote :

I don't think magic is a part of the Paranatural universe, so her voodoo would have no effect unless that is what you were going for.

too bad for me! I actually wanted to have Domi be some sort of voodoo-ghost. But I'm thinking of letting her do all the dirty work, the voodoo doesn't work but Domi just causes "accidents" because Trisha hoped for it. The voodoo magic is just gonna be a stress relief, like a punchbag.

I guess it's some what strange that a hateful, evil bitch like Trisha became a doctor. But here's some backstory:
Trisha was born into a family of doctors. Her mother was genecologist, her father dentist, her grandfather surgeon and so on. They never had much time for Trish, she understood that though. She was a smart kid, really smart. Her grades were always outstanding. The bad thing was that she didn't grow up to be very social, she became quite conceited actually. She didn't have a lot of interest, none actually, just her cat Peppermint.

The poor animal was insane, even for a cat. She was shaky and had some sort of moodswings. One day it would distance itself from the whole household exept from Trisha, the other day it just constantly followed a stranger everywhere (that includes the bathroom), like she was stalking them. Trisha loved the exentric cat more than anything, but the longer she stayed with it, the more strange things she saw. She was slowly developing spectral powers. One night (she was twelve back then) Peppremint didn't come home from her nightly walks. Instead of the shaky and slender little animal, came a furry, dignified cat-spirit with antlers, Domi. As soon as Trisha saw it, she relised that she was surrounded by spirits and ghosts. She and the spirit became best friends.

The spirit shared Trisha's ideas."People were stupid". Trisha didn't really have real conversations with other people, she only talked to Domi. She began to hate people in highschool and started to voodoo to release anger. (stabbing a dol with a pencil)

When she had to choose a career to live of she didn't think of helping the world or getting rich. She didn't go out with friends. (she had none except for Domi) Nor did she have any hobbies (just the "voodoo") So she decided to become a doctor, the most timeconsuming job she could think of.
So she just went to med-school and became a doctor for the sake of not getting bored.

Depressing, I know. She didn't become a Pediatrician because she didn't hit it. She hanged a list with different fields in medicatio that sounded good on the wall and threw a dart to decide.

YoungOldCatCreeper wrote:

Quote :

I don't think magic is a part of the Paranatural universe, so her voodoo would have no effect unless that is what you were going for.

too bad for me! I actually wanted to have Domi be some sort of voodoo-ghost. But I'm thinking of letting her do all the dirty work, the voodoo doesn't work but Domi just causes "accidents" because Trisha hoped for it. The voodoo magic is just gonna be a stress relief, like a punchbag.

I guess it's some what strange that a hateful, evil bitch like Trisha became a doctor. But here's some backstory:
Trisha was born into a family of doctors. Her mother was genecologist, her father dentist, her grandfather surgeon and so on. They never had much time for Trish, she understood that though. She was a smart kid, really smart. Her grades were always outstanding. The bad thing was that she didn't grow up to be very social, she became quite conceited actually. She didn't have a lot of interest, none actually, just her cat Peppermint.

The poor animal was insane, even for a cat. She was shaky and had some sort of moodswings. One day it would distance itself from the whole household exept from Trisha, the other day it just constantly followed a stranger everywhere (that includes the bathroom), like she was stalking them. Trisha loved the exentric cat more than anything, but the longer she stayed with it, the more strange things she saw. She was slowly developing spectral powers. One night (she was twelve back then) Peppremint didn't come home from her nightly walks. Instead of the shaky and slender little animal, came a furry, dignified cat-spirit with antlers, Domi. As soon as Trisha saw it, she relised that she was surrounded by spirits and ghosts. She and the spirit became best friends.

The spirit shared Trisha's ideas."People were stupid". Trisha didn't really have real conversations with other people, she only talked to Domi. She began to hate people in highschool and started to voodoo to release anger. (stabbing a dol with a pencil)

When she had to choose a career to live of she didn't think of helping the world or getting rich. She didn't go out with friends. (she had none except for Domi) Nor did she have any hobbies (just the "voodoo") So she decided to become a doctor, the most timeconsuming job she could think of.
So she just went to med-school and became a doctor for the sake of not getting bored.

Depressing, I know. She didn't become a Pediatrician because she didn't hit it. She hanged a list with different fields in medicatio that sounded good on the wall and threw a dart to decide.

She must really hate her job, being a doctor is one of the most social jobs in the system. So is your idea that she is an antagonist, or do you have a different role in mind for her?

Eragon5055 wrote:

She must really hate her job, being a doctor is one of the most social jobs in the system. So is your idea that she is an antagonist, or do you have a different role in mind for her?

I guess she doesn't show much emotion when she talks to patients, their relatives and the important hospital staff. Some sort of defence mechanism. But she will be a bitch to colleagues. She basicly just stares venomously at them and tells them to shut (the hell) up and leave her alone. And there is alway voodoo stressrelief.

She can be a crazy colleague for a while. Maybe there could be a short-story about her at some point. I do think Domi has to become a tool at some point (Trisha's voodoo-doll). If that happens she will have to talk to others more often I think and perhaps she could learn the evil side of Domi.

She's really depressive and weird, you don't have to use her. But if you want, be my guest.

YoungOldCatCreeper wrote:

Eragon5055 wrote:

She must really hate her job, being a doctor is one of the most social jobs in the system. So is your idea that she is an antagonist, or do you have a different role in mind for her?

I guess she doesn't show much emotion when she talks to patients, their relatives and the important hospital staff. Some sort of defence mechanism. But she will be a bitch to colleagues. She basicly just stares venomously at them and tells them to shut (the hell) up and leave her alone. And there is alway voodoo stressrelief.

She can be a crazy colleague for a while. Maybe there could be a short-story about her at some point. I do think Domi has to become a tool at some point (Trisha's voodoo-doll). If that happens she will have to talk to others more often I think and perhaps she could learn the evil side of Domi.

She's really depressive and weird, you don't have to use her. But if you want, be my guest.

I think I probably could write a short for her, I would need more info on Domi. Just how evil is this cat?

Domi and Trisha are basicly roomies. Domi uses Trisha. Her home is sort of a save haven and there's enough plase for her other cat-spirit/ghost followers. She leads an army of spirits and normal cats. (Her name comes from dominus, master in latin (the lamest word in the whole language, I know) if you think domi sounds too cute, please change it) And in the end she could gain more power from Trisha as a tool.

Domi also enjoys seeing her victims, the people Trisha "cursed", suffer. She can posses a cat (an alive one) and still use her powers. Peppermint was one of those cats. She died because the possesion puts a lot of pressure on the body. (Trisha could've had some sort of cat-complex so I guess she will be really mad when she finds out)

I think Domi could just attack with an army of cats, or just break stuff around her victims to injure them. She's also pretty creepy if she's going to hurt you. ( something like serious, slow talking. Slowly approaching you in a way that lets you know you're fucked, you know, the classic stuff)

Anyway Domi is a sadist and Trisha doesen't know until she already became her tool.

YoungOldCatCreeper wrote:

Domi and Trisha are basicly roomies. Domi uses Trisha. Her home is sort of a save haven and there's enough plase for her other cat-spirit/ghost followers. She leads an army of spirits and normal cats. (Her name comes from dominus, master in latin (the lamest word in the whole language, I know) if you think domi sounds too cute, please change it) And in the end she could gain more power from Trisha as a tool.

Domi also enjoys seeing her victims, the people Trisha "cursed", suffer. She can posses a cat (an alive one) and still use her powers. Peppermint was one of those cats. She died because the possesion puts a lot of pressure on the body. (Trisha could've had some sort of cat-complex so I guess she will be really mad when she finds out)

I think Domi could just attack with an army of cats, or just break stuff around her victims to injure them. She's also pretty creepy if she's going to hurt you. ( something like serious, slow talking. Slowly approaching you in a way that lets you know you're fucked, you know, the classic stuff)

Anyway Domi is a sadist and Trisha doesen't know until she already became her tool.

So Domi's power is to control cats? I have the idea that it literally feeds on misery. As for a different name, how about Bastet, an eqyptian cat god?

I finally finished part 2 for my fic

The Kingston House: The Woman in the Photo (Part 2)

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

Edit: I'm wondering if I should open a fan fic account at fan fiction. net or some other website. If nothing else, it could draw more people into the fandom of Paranatural.

Sooooo... When are you starting on part three :3 ? I'm really loving Selene XD

Welp,

I just placed the first chapter of the Kingston House: The Woman in the Photo on fanfiction.net.

I gotta clean up the second chapter a little then I will also place it on there later to day. Then get working on Ch. 3.

I'm hoping to get it done before the 9 of August.

Prolly won't get much traffic but ever bit helps.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9566643/1/The-Kingston-House-The-Woman-in-the-Photo

Edit: Second Chapter has been posted.

SWEEEEEET

Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhh, I am so dam lucky I decided to use google docs to keep my writing projects. had to wipe my computer. Now if I could only find the time to write...